Did you ever notice how life seems to have 'themes'? I guess that is part of what the writer of Ecclesiastes meant when He wrote Ecclesiastes 3:1 "There is a time for everything and a season for every purpose under heaven." As I look back (I seem to be doing a lot of that lately) I can see seasons of confusion, joy, sadness, overwhelm, anticipation...so many different clumps of time when I was just waiting, and praying, and seeking advice from others through conversations and books. And as I reflect on these times I can see the Lords hand in every situation. I can see Him molding me and changing me. I can look back and see the tough times and where He has carried me and made me more compassionate, understanding and stronger. I can look at the exciting times and see His favor and His leading me, and the opportunities where I was able to share that time with others. Sometimes it is harder to find Him in those times than in other times, but He was there and will continue to use my experiences-if I let Him. Last week I had the opportunity to go back to Pennsylvania where we lived for quite awhile before coming to Texas. While there I visited our old church and saw so many familiar faces. Faces that had known my family 'before'. 'Before' teen rebellion, 'before' integrity issues, 'before' yoga, and healing, and growth. One woman came up to me and sadly said "Tina, your book is being passed around the church. Everyone loves it. I am in the middle of it and I AM SO SORRY. I never knew. How are you doing?" I was blown away. Yes, I wrote a book. Yes, it is about the struggles of my family and the life that we led. BUT it is about healing and redemption and growth and empowerment. It is about joy and humbleness and GRACE. But then her sentence came back to me "I am in the middle of your book...." She didn't know the rest of the story. She was in the middle where things were hard and overwhelming.... Friends, what if we stopped there? What if we didn't allow the Lord into our story to finish it and to make it beautiful? God is in the business of healing and when we hold our 'seasons' too tightly and don't let Him in we can get stuck in that part of our story. Later in Ecclesiastes, it says "A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance," Regardless of where you are in your story, no matter what season of life you are in, I pray you can give it to Him. Allow Him to show you how far He has taken you, where He has shown up in your past, and offer hope and comfort for your future. So, what did I say to the dear, old friend of mine? "Just keep reading. It gets beautiful near then end." Have a great day!
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Philippians 4:19 "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus."
I always thought that I trusted God with everything. But lately He has been showing me how little I really rely on Him. I 'trust Him' with those things that ultimately I can control or explain away if He doesn't show up. Money is different... Money has an 'amount'. There is no excusing if money doesn't show up. So as I have had to reach out to others through fundraising for a mission trip to the Dominican Republic my biggest struggle has been "What if no one gives" or better yet "What if the Lord does not provide?" By struggle I mean tears at night and difficulty breathing at the thought of having to reach out and to trust. Big struggles. I have had to ask myself what this is all about---what is at the core of this struggle? Trust...trust that He loves me and sees me; Trust that He has a plan and that He will take care of me; Trust that He will NEVER leave me nor forsake me; and trust that "He will supply all my needs". Guess what? He did it! He showed up through many loving hands and trusting people. He showed up through YOU. Through you He has shown me that I can trust Him with everything-even those things that I can't control or explain away. So Friends, thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing this 'Daughter of the King" to see and feel the love of a 'Daddy' through your giving and prayerful hearts. Hello again. I've been wanting to talk to you for awhile but life has been busy. Sound familiar?
Last night I had a dream...you know those dreams that you wake up from but you can't seem to shake? The ones that color your entire day. In my dream my daughters had this big 'once in a lifetime' event that we were going to. We had gotten there early so we decided to go into the cafeteria where there were several kids going to the same event. I got busy talking to someone and didn't notice that the room had cleared out. When I realized that everyone had left my daughters and I ran to catch up, but we were too late. The event was over...In tears my daughters turned to me and said "Mom, we missed it! Because you were too busy talking to that person we missed it and it will never happen again." I was crushed. No amount of apology would bring back the time, no 'I'm sorry' would start the event over. The problem was that I was doing what I thought I was supposed to do. The woman I was talking to said that she 'needed' to talk. That's what Jesus would do, right? So today I have been asking myself what am I supposed to do. In my dream we were right there, we were on time, it had been a priority. And yet, we missed it. The Scripture that has been playing in my mind is 1 Kings 19 :10-13. In this scripture the prophet Elijah is waiting to hear from the Lord on Mt Horeb. Elijah has just told the Lord that he has been serving him all this time and that he is the only one left. God has told him to stand on the mountain and wait..."Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave." Maybe this Scripture doesn't seem to fit here but to me it does. You see I have been "serving' the Lord. Doing what I think He wants me to do. Those things outside of my family-those big 'earthquake' things. But what I think the Lord is telling me in this Scripture is that I need to be still enough to hear the whisper in midst of the noise. I need to focus on the things that really matter-like my family. When all is said and done that woman in my dream could have spoken to someone else-she would leave the event and it wouldn't have made a difference in her life. But my girls? Now that is a different story. I pray dear friend that you hear the whisper this Christmas season. That you and I take the time to be still and to not be distracted by the earthquakes of life. That we be present and find time to be still. I am in a season of wondering...I used to know exactly what I believed about morality and what was right and wrong. I had standards of what I felt was acceptable as a Christian in the way people looked and how they talked and what they believed in. But lately I find myself wondering if I wasn't living in a bubble of judgment and superiority. I have begun to notice the believer who gossips and judges others without taking the time to hear their story; those that profess Christianity speak in words that I would chastize my teens for using without even blinking an eye; and the person on their way home from Bible study who yells at my daughter in the drive through window at Starbucks because she didn't get their coffee to them quick enough...But I have also begun to notice the non-believer who criticizes Christianity but lovingly asks about my day, takes the time to notice others and speaks in words of encouragement to just about everyone they meet.
I know this is an age old story, and I am not meaning to judge anybody-I am just wondering how much time I have been the one judging others because they didn't believe the same as me. I am wondering how many times I have looked at the young man with pink hair as though I was utterly disgusted and didn't even notice that he had just made a crying child smile....I am just wondering how much time I have waisted not getting to know someone because I felt threatened by them and their beliefs instead of showing them the love of God. Just wondering...... "Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person." Colossians 4:5-6 Today I had an interaction with someone close to me that did not go as I had planned. I want something for them that they do not seem to want for themselves and I am angry that they do not see things my way. So I thought I would do the 'Christian' thing and ask a dear friend to pray for us. I almost made the call until I felt the Lord gently impress upon me "Tina, did you pray?" No-I'll pray about it later... "Tina, YOU pray now." As I thought about it I realized that in asking my friend to pray I was actually giving it over her instead of the Lord. Truth is I probably would not have prayed about it. I would have listened to her encouraging advice, given it to her to pray about and then that would have been enough. I probably wouldn't have thought about it again---until the next time.
I realize that I do this often. I give my burdens to others instead of the ONE who can really help. Don't get me wrong-I strongly believe in community. The Scriptures are filled with verses telling us how important it is to pray with and for each other. But perhaps there is also a time to JUST take it to the Lord. Perhaps that is part of what Matthew is telling us in Matthew 6:6, which says "But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything will reward you." (NLT) So I have decided that with this one thing it is just going to be between the Lord and I. I want to give it to Him in private as our 'little secret' and when He answers it He and I will know that it was only through Him that hearts were changed. And I will probably be surprised that the heart that needed the most work was mine... Just a thought... |
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April 2020
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